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Wedding traditionsTamil Wedding Rituals: Nichayathartham to Saptapadi
A traditional Tamil wedding is usually held in the early morning, and its highlights — the kashi yatra, the oonjal swing and the tying of the thali to the getti melam — are unlike anything in a North Indian ceremony.
An overview
Tamil Hindu weddings vary considerably between communities. Iyer and Iyengar (Tamil Brahmin) weddings follow a detailed Vedic sequence; Chettiar, Mudaliar, Pillai, Gounder, Nadar, Thevar and many other communities have their own customs, and Tamil Christian and Muslim weddings differ again. This guide follows the sequence most widely seen at Tamil Hindu weddings, especially Brahmin ones, and points out where others vary.
The muhurtham (auspicious time) is commonly early in the morning, so the main ceremony may begin before sunrise, with many related rites on the previous day.
Before the wedding
Nichayathartham The formal engagement. The families exchange gifts of clothes, fruit, betel leaves and sweets, and the lagna patrikai — a written fixing of the wedding date — is read out by the priest. In many families, the groom's family gives the bride a sari, which she changes into, and the couple may exchange rings. Some families hold the nichayathartham months before; others hold it the evening before the wedding.
Panda kaal muhurtham A few days before the wedding, or on the day before, a bamboo pole (pandhakaal) is worshipped and planted at the wedding venue or home, marking the start of the wedding preparations and asking for blessings that everything proceeds well.
Sumangali prarthanai Married women of the family are honoured with a meal, saris and gifts, and the bride receives their blessings. Many families do this a few days before the wedding.
Vratham and naandi On the day before the wedding, the bride and groom perform separate rites, often called vratham, in which deities are invoked for blessings. The bride may have a kappu (sacred thread) tied on her wrist. Many families also perform the naandi (naandi shraddham), a separate rite honouring the ancestors, often on the eve of the wedding.
Janavasam and mappillai azhaippu In older practice, the groom was taken in a procession through the streets in the evening before the wedding — the janavasam. Today most families hold a simpler mappillai azhaippu (welcoming the groom) at the venue, and many hold a reception on the evening before the muhurtham.
The wedding day
Kashi yatra Early on the wedding morning, the groom, dressed as a student with an umbrella, a hand fan, a walking stick and a book, announces that he will renounce worldly life and go to Kashi to study. The bride's father stops him and persuades him to marry his daughter instead. It is a playful reenactment, usually accompanied by laughter.
Maalai maatral The couple exchange garlands three times, in some families while each is lifted on the shoulders of their maternal uncles or cousins. This is the Tamil jaimala.
Oonjal The couple sit on a decorated swing (oonjal) while married women sing oonjal songs. They are fed milk and banana, their feet may be washed with milk, and coloured rice balls (pacchai pidi) are circled around them and thrown in different directions — a custom traditionally believed to ward off the evil eye.
Kanyadanam The bride sits on her father's lap, holding a coconut, and her father gives her in marriage, placing her hand in the groom's while the priest chants. See kanyadaan.
Koorai pudavai The groom's family gives the bride the koorai pudavai, a nine-yard silk sari, often in a deep red or other auspicious colour. She changes into it, usually draped in the madisar style in Brahmin families.
Mangalyadharanam At the muhurtham, while the bride sits on her father's lap, the groom ties the thali around her neck. He ties the first knot and his sister ties the other two. The nadaswaram and drums play loudly — the getti melam — and guests shower akshatai (rice mixed with turmeric) on the couple. See mangalsutra.
Panigrahanam and saptapadi The groom takes the bride's hand and leads her through the seven steps, holding the toe of her right foot. See the saptapadi vows.
Ammi midhithal and Arundhati The bride places her foot on a grinding stone (ammi), and the groom slips silver toe rings (metti) onto her toes. The couple are shown the Arundhati star, a symbol of marital devotion, and the homam continues with laja homam, offering puffed rice to the fire.
Nalangu In the afternoon, the couple play light-hearted games such as rolling a coconut to each other, breaking papads over each other's heads and hiding betel leaves — a relaxed way for the bride and groom and their families to get to know each other.
After the wedding
The bride's farewell is followed by grihapravesam at the groom's home, where she is welcomed with aarti. Some families hold a small feast for relatives, and the couple visit the bride's home soon afterwards.
Variations
- Iyengar weddings differ from Iyer weddings in several rites and in the thali design.
- In many non-Brahmin communities, the ceremony is shorter, and the thali design and attire reflect the family's own traditions.
- Self-respect marriages, a reform tradition in Tamil Nadu, are legally valid in the state and need no priest; the couple exchange garlands or rings and declare their acceptance of each other in front of witnesses.
Practical tips
- The early muhurtham means guests may need accommodation near the venue; plan a reception the evening before.
- Book a nadaswaram ensemble early in the season.
- The thali design is often specific to the community; order it well in advance.
- Check muhurtham dates on our vivah muhurat calendar and confirm with the family priest.
Fixing the date?
The muhurat calendar lists every auspicious wedding date month by month, with the hours each one holds.
Wedding muhurat calendar Match kundlis freeQuestions people ask
What is kashi yatra in a Tamil wedding?
The groom pretends to leave for Kashi to become a scholar, and the bride's father persuades him to marry his daughter instead. It is a playful ritual.
What is the oonjal ceremony?
The couple sit on a swing while married women sing, feed them milk and banana, and circle coloured rice balls around them.
Who ties the knots of the thali in a Tamil wedding?
The groom ties the first knot of the thali and his sister ties the remaining two, while the getti melam plays.
What is nalangu?
Nalangu is a set of fun games played by the newly married couple, such as rolling a coconut and breaking papads, usually in the afternoon.
What is a self-respect marriage?
It is a reform-style wedding without a priest, legally recognised in Tamil Nadu, in which the couple accept each other before witnesses.
Other traditions
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